So, where are you from?

Anyone who hails from the suburbs of a big city knows the horror of the question posed in the title of this post.

The facts are these: When your place of origin is suburbia, USA, and someone asks you where you're from, you have two basic options to choose from in crafting a response. You can say, "I'm from [insert major American metropolis here]," and sacrifice accuracy. Or you can say, "I'm from [insert actual hometown here]," and elicit a blank stare from the person with whom you're conversing.

You can also take the middle path, explaining that [insert actual hometown here] is, in fact, a suburb of [insert major American metropolis here]. But that's generally an unpopular choice, because: A.) it's kind of clumsy and B.) if you go this route, your hometown is probably going to be instantly thought of as boring and lame and everything else associated with the stereotyped picture of a drab, cookie-cutter, bedroom community. And that's kind of annoying, regardless of whether or not it's accurate.

I'm not from Boston - the capital of Massachusetts; "the Hub"; "Beantown"; the home of the Red Sox, Celtics, and Bruins; and the birthplace of America (don't listen to people who say it's Philadelphia just because they drew up the paperwork down there). It's true that I was born in Boston, but, as soon as I was released from the hospital there, newborn-baby-me was brought to nearby Watertown, a small city which lies just north of Boston and measures a mere 4.2 square miles in area (see: above). I've lived there ever since (discounting, of course, the fact that I'm often found now at college in New York).

Watertown does have its own claims to fame - some more modest than others. Being a huge nerd, I know most of them. For example, history buffs could tell you that Watertown acted as the seat of the state government in Revolutionary times during the British occupation of Boston. You know Eliza Dushku, of Bring it On and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame? Yes, she is indeed a Watertown native. Harvard University isn't contained entirely in Cambridge; it expanded its reach into Watertown just a few years back. And if you've ever enjoyed a frozen pizza, you can thank Charles Mosesian, who made the very first frozen pizza in the land of H2O. Mosesian, by the way, was an Armenian immigrant. And Watertown, of course, was one of the primary destinations of the Armenian diaspora that occurred following the Armenian Genocide of 1915 to 1917. We even have the Armenian Library and Museum of America on Main Street in Watertown Square.

But none of these things matter when someone asks me where I'm from. I face the three aforementioned choices, each decidedly unsatisfying, just like everyone else from the 'burbs.

But it didn't have to be that way.

You see, another one of Watertown's claims to fame is a song. It's a classic rock song, specifically, the kind of ultra-famous track that just about everyone seems to know. Even those not well-versed in popular music who don't know the song by name would almost certainly perk up if someone simply hummed the tune of its chorus.

The song I'm describing is the immortal "More Than a Feeling."

"But wait!" you think. "Isn't the band that played that song called 'Boston'?" That's exactly right, faithful reader. But not only did the band known as Boston never actually live in Boston but rather Watertown, (drumroll...) "More Than a Feeling" was actually recorded in Watertown, as well, in the basement of band founder Tom Scholz's house. And herein lies, for me, the source of unspeakable outrage and despair.

Do you see the forest through the trees? Do you understand where all of this is leading? Boston shouldn't be Boston. Boston should be Watertown (see: right)! And if Boston was Watertown, then I would have the perfect response to the question of where I'm from. "You know the band Watertown?" I'd ask, confident and composed. "Well, I'm from there." It'd be much more evocative than simply saying I'm from Watertown, as things stand. It'd be much more truthful than saying I'm from Boston. And it'd also be exponentially cooler than saying I'm from one of Boston's suburbs.

But alas, Boston is not Watertown; Boston is Boston.

Nuts.